Nikki

We all know it’s coming. I’ve even been plagued by the gut feeling that something was brewing. From the time Nikki had ripped her back open on a protruding nail sticking out of the deck rail I had felt Tennessee was trying to kill her.

But neither the awareness that it’s inevitable nor the premonition helps when you’re slapped in the face with the reality. I knew something was wrong with Nikki and had spent a good part of the weekend researching on the internet when it was clear Nikki was distressed and her abdomen was rounded. By Monday morning I had cheerfully convinced myself it was merely a bladder infection so when the vet stood up after examining her and told me “It’s bad” it was a tearful revelation.

Nikki had a tumor in her abdomen that he estimated to be the size of 2 grapefruits. An ultrasound was scheduled in another town the next afternoon at 4 (need I mention how much a HATE living in the sticks?) to see what organs were affected. I was warned to be extremely careful if I had to lift her because any pressure could rupture the tumor and she would bleed to death internally and very quickly. Lovely.

While the vet who did the ultrasound may be very skilled, he was a butthead to me. It was clear he just wanted me to shut up while he did the ultrasound and kept it brief and dire when finished. Massive tumor on her spleen and he said the prognosis was death within a week or two.

Again — thank god for the internet. I researched the hell out of spleen tumors and found really great articles by vets who had a lot of experience with this type of tumor. They are common in older dogs and breeds like Labradors, but they don’t necessarily have to be fatal. Around two thirds are cancer and if the tumor and spleen are removed the dog may have up to 3 months. If the tumor is benign then problem solved.

My deal was Nikki was not acting sick — she had suddenly become distressed, but not sick. She was eating and drinking, peeing and pooping, excited about meals and treats, eager for walks and ball throwing. If she has cancer shouldn’t she be vomiting or pooping blood or refusing to eat? Bottom line — I wasn’t willing to give up on the dog that wasn’t acting sick.

Called the original vet’s office first thing Wednesday morning to get prices on pathology, lung xrays, and the surgery itself and they were $80, $200, and $250-500 respectively. It was the vet’s day off, another vet was working that day, so as soon as Dr. Garrett talked to the vet who did the ultrasound they would get back to me.

After my research I was leaning toward a chest xray to see if there were tumors in her lungs and if clear do surgery.

They ended up calling and asking me to bring her in as soon as I could. Their plan was to do chest xrays to look for tumors, blood work to see if there was kidney or liver failure. If all those were okay the vet would be on his way to do the surgery starting around noon.

Nikki, bless her stubborn little heart, jumped into the SUV like a trooper and had her head out the window on the way there. I looked at her in the rear view mirror and admitted this could be the last time she takes a ride with me. Not a happy thought, but I was glad to watch her enjoying herself. Like I said — she wasn’t acting sick!

They didn’t want to sedate Nikki for the xrays so they had to make a couple tries, but the xrays ended up looking clear. The blood work came back with excellent liver and kidney function and only a tiny anemia problem caused by the spleen being invaded. Surgery was a go.

Poor Nikki — three days of being wrestled onto stainless steel tables to be poked and prodded. They told me she was so good and once on the table she obeyed the sit and down commands. They said the only problem was she knew I was still in the building so they asked me to leave for the surgery because Nikki would know I wasn’t there and would cooperate more fully. So I left her.

I had left Ellie alone at home for the first time in her nine years. I got back and she was excited to see me and ran out to find Nikki and when she didn’t see her she kept looking. And looking. And looking. She wouldn’t stop looking. She wanted to get in my SUV and go to where Nikki was. Man — it was depressing and it doesn’t bode well for what will happen when Nikki dies. I may lose them both in a short time span.

The vet had said he’d probably call by 1:30. I was on the phone with a friend and he pointed out it was a good sign. If they had opened her up and found cancer everywhere they were going to close her up and see if I wanted to euthanize her. They hadn’t called quickly so that meant they were working on her.

The vet called around 2:00. Nikki made it through the surgery. They found a mass the size of a soccer ball that was laced with many, many blood vessels and adhesions to other organs. Both vets snipped and stitched, snipped and stitched for a long time. He hoped they had found them all. The next 24-48 hours would tell — she could bleed out in that time.

I asked if he could tell if it was cancer or benign and he couldn’t. I asked about pathology and was amazed at his response. He said “Why? Would you do anything differently?” I had already told him I was opposed to chemo and radiation therapies and all the other extreme measures for an eleven year old large breed dog. He said what was going to happen was going to happen and what difference would it make. And get this — I want you to really pay attention here: he said “I am not only the guardian of your pet. I am the guardian of your pocket book. You have already spent a little over a thousand dollars (did you hear me gulp?) so why spend more money on something that won’t make any difference as to what you do. We’ll do it if you want, but why spend the money?”

I was impressed. And he was right — what ever happens is going to happen and I won’t do anything different  whether I know it’s cancer or not.

In the midst of all this I had called my niece to update her on surgery. I told her I really felt I made the right decision and she pointed out it wasn’t just a quality of life issue for Nikki, but it was a quality of life issue for me. My quality of life is better with Nikki alive.

It is a huge quality of life issue for me. I know I will have to let her go maybe sometime in the not too distant future, but I want some fun time with her and Ellie before she goes.

A further complication is that I don’t like where I’m living in Tennessee. I have purchased a house near the coast in Florida and I don’t want Nikki to die here. I want her to have a little time swimming in the ocean and walking the beach before she goes. And living in a house that will be a lot more dog friendly.

The Florida house closes on March 28th. 35 days. I hope Nikki is still here to make that journey.